Saturday, 21 November 2015

Open Letter to Ardon Legal Community 2

Dear Lawyers,

I've been having a bit of difficulty with several of the judges in Ardon Municipal Court and wonder if anyone can assist me.

The judges, who shall remain unnamed, are possibly the most obstinate, foul tempered group of old arses that I have had the misfortune to meet in all 200 years of my demonic life- and keep in mind that I've been summoned before the Archdemons themselves (long story).

It seems that these judges are incapable of allowing me to finish a sentence without interjecting with their own opinion about what the law should be; how they think the rules about questioning witnesses should be followed; or why I am not observing correct court etiquette. Bearing in mind that I've been out of the legal game for a while now, I don't ever recall judges being so bloody pernickety about these matters. When I last practised law, the common procedure was to let the lawyers have turns applying the thumbscrews and hot pokers for as long as was necessary. Yes, I know there are more rules to courts now, and some consider the methods I'm used to as 'outdated', but I think there's something to be said for just letting us lawyers get on with our jobs.

Anyway, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'm holding a coffee morning at my office on Monday of next week with a view to starting a committee to replace the 'witness stand' - which has become commonplace in most courts - with the more traditional torture-rack or iron-maiden, which in my view are court traditions that were cast aside too easily. In my opinion, back when these were the norm, judges could be much more assured that witness testimony was accurate.

I hope to meet some like-minded people at the coffee morning. Although for the sake of clarity, this is a coffee morning, so no vampires.


Principal Lawyer
Ardon Legal Clinic